Starting this block, we've been having more clinical experiences. Most of these have been fantastic. You get to meet doctors in their workplaces, interview live patients, see their treatment first-hand. Yesterday, though, I had a session at a hospice center which was probably the worst experience I had since starting med school.

Just to be clear the entire experience wasn't bad. We had the opportunity to tour the facility, meet with the chief doctor on their staff and even interview a patient receiving palliative care. I quite enjoyed these aspects.

The part I did not like was the first activity. Our preceptor took the twelve of us into a room and, in turn, had us speak about an experience we had with death or loss. People told some very emotional, personal stories. Obviously each of us is going to confront pain in our lives and I don't feel like all doctors should be unfeeling robots, but the vibe of this activity seemed really wrong to me.

To start the preceptor had an odd way of encouraging people to take their stories further so that, in a weird way, everyone was trying to outdo the last one. You almost felt that, if you didn't tell a gut wrenching tear-jerker, you weren't participating in the activity. Additionally, if you weren't emotional during your telling there was a not-so-subtle implication that you wouldn't be an empathetic or caring doctor.

It was an extremely surreal and unpleasant encounter for me. In fact, I found myself getting really angry. I felt as if I was being violated; like I was the victim of some emotional vampire. Still, when it came time for me to speak I didn't revolt, I just gave a perfunctory story.

I felt that, while I knew some of the people in the room, none were my close friends or confidants. Trust takes a long time to build up between people and stories of loss and pain, for me at least, are private matters to be held close. For me, sharing a story of that depth is a symbol of great intimacy. It seemed to tarnish the stories to have them clinically examined for the sake of an educational activity.

Thinking on it later, I realized some of the irony of this situation. As a doctor, I'm going to ask perfect strangers to reveal very private aspects of their lifestyle and anatomy with me. I know that will be very uncomfortable for some. Still, as a doctor I would like to believe I would a) Always value my relationship with the patient as confidential and professional. Additionally, I hope to respect my patient enough to explain *why* I need to invade their privacy and to act on behalf of their health.

Still the whole event felt really wrong. Maybe it's just me.